Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
