I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
