Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
