so explain again why im purple
no
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
