in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too