K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
