I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
