the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
