Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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