I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
