She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
