thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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