There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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