He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize