I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
