420 ftw
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
