I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just tell him i said nine months
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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