just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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