He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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