Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
