i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
