yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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