Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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