So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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