You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
