1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
3pm strippers are depressing
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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