I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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