how can u be prego again
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
