no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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