Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
