Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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