dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
