my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
