she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
