Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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