So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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