But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
