girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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