You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
