Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
