Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize