May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
