Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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