Is it normal to miss your booty call?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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