We're facebook friends in real life
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
