I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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