apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
sarcasm needs its own font
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
