wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
