i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
