whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
