I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
