I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
porn star boner night. come get it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
