I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
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He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
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five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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