I wannas sexs uuuuu
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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