I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
