So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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