let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize