Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
