actually, I'm a sock model
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
