I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Four minutes until I can fart!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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