I cockslap morals
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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