Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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