You smell like stripper and shame
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
