I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
