Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
