I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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