I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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